the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
