I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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