You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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