man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
