yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
