I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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