i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
