He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
not ubering you a puppy
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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