we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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