I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
