yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize