Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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