I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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