Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
