he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
