So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
