i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
