So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i think i just lost a toe
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
