i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
