Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
