it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
