This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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