so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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