it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
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