Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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