five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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