I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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