i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
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