I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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