There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
