"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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