About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
