I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
