Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
