Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize