Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
