I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we made out on top of his cat.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
