what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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