Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
