It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
