Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
