You're earring is so big in my mouth
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
