who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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