He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
