We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
