I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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