Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
