Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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