see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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