You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
