We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
