I want to walk on stilts...naked
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
