happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize