Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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