We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
