I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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