I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
