So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
