i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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