I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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