I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
