I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
