i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize