Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
