mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
