whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize