We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
