I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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