I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
