Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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