did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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