I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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