we have officially lost it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
