mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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