if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
