my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
