i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
