He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm like, not good at living.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
