I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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