i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
