i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
A bitchslap is in order.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
