Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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