oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
