So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
