my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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