I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
