I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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