so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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