you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
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